Thursday, December 08, 2005
feeling SO SO SO SO SO(X infinity) down~
hahas... why is things always going against mi nehx... my family... my frenz... my love... i dun think that i am still able to take it anymore ba... one dae i am realli going to break down... that dae is soon to be here... hahas... there is nothing other than laughing i can do... mani people think that laugher is the best medicine... at first i realli believe it... but... hahas... after laughing... the facts is still the facts... we cant change the fate ritex?! i always appear to be laughing all the times... but i dunno how long could i still remain my smile..... becoz inside my heart is not smiling... maybe it could be bleeding or maybe it could be crying ba... i realli dunno why this is happening... i wished to find the answer too... how wish that that i could put everything down and fall into a deep sleep... until everything is fine again... but god wont let mi do this ba... couldnt just be happy thing that happened ??? couldnt just thing go the ways i like??? couldnt i lead a normal live??? how i wished i could go back to the past when i am living in ang mo kio as a kid... alought it is just a two room flats with my whole family staying in there... but the time was just so happy... whole family 5 person sleep in a same room... all squeeze together is also a type of happiness(xin fu)... with my kid frenz... playing at frenz house... then parents will come fetch mi... hahas... a kid just wont be thinking about too much... they can just laugh smile and cry thier heart out... without thinking anything... not like teenager and adult... who will womder what is behind thier smile... if i can be like a kid and cry smile laugh and say my heart out it would be great sia... but i am a teenager not a kid... hahas... i wont allow myself to do that... even if i am sad i just wouldnt cry infront of any people infact i just cover it by a smiile.... this is what i told myself... not to cry infornt of anyone... but this year... i just cant control well enough... hahas... going to break down soon le ba... should i be strong or just let myself collaspe??? onli i myself could make a decision.... but not now... when times goes... i will find a answer... i hope soon ba... coz.. dunno how long my mind and heart could stand... but as what i sae... as time goes one dae i would find myself an answer... a good one or.......
ilovehim 